i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
