Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
