I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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