Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
