Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
