currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
don't judge my taste in strippers
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
