Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
babies were throwing up all over the place
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
