so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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