I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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