ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize