Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
