Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
