did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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