I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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