My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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