Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
