Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
