Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We need to get me chipped asap
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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