If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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