He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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