matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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