Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
