I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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