Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize