He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
