Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
