Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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