"it" just moved
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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