Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
