we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
