So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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