I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
