There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
