So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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