so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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