it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize