so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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