Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
