By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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