I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize