She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
