I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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