Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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