awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize