that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bring me that man meat
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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