He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
