how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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