your thong is hanging out like whoa
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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