Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
