I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
