Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
