so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
