pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
