He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
