4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're like the curious george of whores
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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