There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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