I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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