Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I FOUND THE LEGS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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