Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I could make wine with my vomit
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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