She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
