What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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