Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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