I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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