I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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