Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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