I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize