from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
