I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
