used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
