Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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