So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
