naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
