Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
