Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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