he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize