I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
