is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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