Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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