I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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