I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
