she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
