so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
