Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
