I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
