I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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