hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
