she looked like the before picture.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
