OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
