Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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