I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
