Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
if only i could text you this smell
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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