I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
