mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize