If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
