either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
