omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize