does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
