Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
