I smell stomach acid.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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