I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
