I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We need a shit load of segways right now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
