I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize