dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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