angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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