Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
