You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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