Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
