do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
