If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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