No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
