maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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